Life moves on
by Smile-J
Summary: A short tale. Charlie put his foot down for Bella's birthday. They go to the Lodge instead. Edward stays but becomes more controlling. Life with Edward was not all Bella hoped for. She grew up, he didn't. His controlling ways became less acceptable. Life moves on. AU, OC. BxE at start then BxJ
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Hi Just a short tale taking a different path. The fateful birthday changes so Edward never left. No pregnancy to trigger a change. AU and OC, starts BxE but his controlling ways become too much... (I have done my best but I know even after re-reading I have left many grammatical errors that I don't even see. Sorry. Any offers of assistance gratefully received!)_

Life moves on.

Life with Edward was not all I hoped for. I grew up, he didn't. His controlling ways became less acceptable. Life moves on.

They say hindsight is 20 20. I look back now and see things so differently than I did at the time.

I had so much to learn. Making mistakes and learning from them is the only way to grow. I just wish I had learned a bit sooner or a bit faster but I don't know where I would be today if I had. I like the me of today!

They always say the place to start a story is the beginning but most of you know the basics and who really wants yet another long winded rehash of events. I'll compromise and go for reminding you of the turning points.

To put it bluntly I was a oops baby. They married and tried to make it work as a family but it was not to be. They went with convention and I was taken by my Mother. Mother figure, she was not; flake, airhead, butterfly are more descriptive. She flitted from place to place, man to man, interest to interest, job to job without a care for the child she towed in her wake. I took responsibility, she let me, even encouraged me calling me her middle-aged child. She repeated it so much I believed her, more fool me.

She got a man that stuck and I became a drag. I cut myself free and headed to my Father.

He was a good solid man but he never learnt to be a Dad. I never had a parental figure so I went in doing what came naturally to me. I cooked and cleaned without asking, having utilities paid without my input was just a bonus. I never considered I didn't need to do those things for him until it was far too late.

I never had someone look after me so when I blundered into Edward's life it turned me upside down. The extremes of emotion that came with his entry to my life had me grasping at sand. As fast as I thought we had something the sand tickled away, the tighter I held on the fast it left me. Just think of a cat trying to catch the light from a laser pointer, you'd give the cat better odds of succeeding than you would me. The wallflower became a star, the heroine in an action movie. Yes, I was one of those pathetic heroines from the old films that faints at the whiff of blood. Running and being injured by nomads threw me in the deep-end. It felt like I was never enough, the more I tried to fit in the more I lost the things that make me who I am.

My 18th birthday was a milestone made more by events. Charlie hadn't had the chance to celebrate a birthday with me for many years. The miles between us and commitments of school and work took precedence. He wanted to make up for the lost years. Alice wanted to throw a party at their house but Charlie put his foot down. We went to the Lodge instead, the Cullen's joined us, but not all of them. Emmett gloated that he, Rosalie and Jasper didn't have to force nasty human food down.

The meal went well enough, me feeling guilty about the vampires pushing food around their plates and Charlie looking like he was in a dentist chair as Carlisle and Esme made small talk.

With the gifts came the problem. I cut my finger on the wrapping paper. Edward reacted strongly, pouncing to his feet. Carlisle caught his arm and Alice caught the table minimising the intensity of his response. Alice had a first aid kit in her handbag, she left it in Carlisle's expert hands. Edward went with Esme and Alice for a walk outside while Carlisle patched me up. His reaction they put down to panic for my welfare and a poor reaction to blood stemming from the loss of his parents. 'He didn't like to talk about it' ended the line questions pretty quickly, if only for courtesies sake. Charlie never quite forgave, he watched closely from then on.

The rest of the school was spent trying to reassure Edward and tolerating his ridiculous controlling mood swings. As the months became ever colder I spent more time at Edward's house. When the weather became warm again our outings were to his meadow and back. The only time we went out in public were Alice's tortuous shopping trips. Edward didn't like going to the cinema as other patrons were too noisy and distracted him from the film. The one visit to a restaurant on the night he rescued me was the first and last. Since he doesn't eat it he decided it made more sense to eat in private. Then I thought it was romantic that he want to spend all his time with me and keep me to himself.

After growing up living with the aftermath of my parents marriage and listening to the vitriol my mother spouted about 'marriage being an expensive piece of paper', that cost even more to get out of. My dreams of marriage, kids and the picket fence were only those made of nightmares. Before graduation he had given me the ultimatum, if I wanted to have sex with him before he changed me I had to marry him. I hated getting day by day older than him but I agreed to his conditions. He talked about university but I thought that would be after I was one of them.

I went though the 'she must have a bun in the oven' attitude from everyone that learnt I was marrying so young. Charlie wasn't happy but I was 18, if he kick off I would just leave and do it anyway. Renee was still in honeymoon mode so she didn't react as I expected, she was pleased for me.

Alice went all out organising an event of the decade which I had no input in. I was just the pose-able dummy that never rocked the boat. Picture perfect might be one description of the production that was my wedding but it was all a veneer, looked pretty on the outside but it was all fake if you scratched the surface.

As with everything Edward did, the honeymoon was a big secret. The fact I hate surprises was totally ignored, along with any other opinion I may have held.

The journey was long and tiring. He consummated the marriage but against his wishes and he made it known. Mister Belt and Braces double bagged, he got his. I got plenty of bruises and a return of 'I'm a monster' for the rest of the time away. He never touched me again, 'too dangerous' a line I heard until I was sick of it. I tried the response, 'so change me' but that got a strong 'no' and even more days of scowling. So yes Isle Esme was beautiful, I saw all of it rather than a more traditional honeymoon. Sightsee until I drop was the distraction he employed to avoid intimacy with me.

The seed of dissent were sown in those early days. It took me years to full acknowledge the problems but by then they had grown to unmanageable proportions.

We went back. We lived with the Cullen's. I got chaste kisses as I endured hearing the exuberant bedroom activities of especially Emmett and Rosalie.

Keeping a theme with everything a surprise, we moved. I expected a remote location so he could change me but no, Harvard instead.

I worked hard getting in a full load, thinking it was short term. I wanted to go to study groups but Edward said he could teach me everything. Parties were acceptable as long as they were Edward and Alice approved. Alice dressed us all. Edward never let go of my arm unless Alice escorted me to the bathroom.

As the months passed I started to recognise how much I missed Charlie's influence. With him, I got to go shopping alone for food, cook meals and spend time with Charlie. Now it was Edward 24/7. I felt like I was suffocating.

I like a wide range of music but it's nice to choose what to listen to from time to time. You know put something on you are in the mood to listen to. Not a chance. All I heard was, 'It isn't suitable studying music, this would be better', 'Please don't touch my stereo, it's very delicate', 'I've put some new songs on your ipod', yeah, and all my favourites have gone, 'I'll play your song for you'. I love having a song written for me but listening to a lullaby all day, every day, gets really old after a while.

Reading, my favourite escape became another bone of contention. You have read that before, this is on you reading list for next term. You should expand your horizons, try this. You haven't read the book I suggested yet, why not?

During the summer, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice all went away for a couple of weeks. Edward became a neurotic limpet for the duration. I suffered from what I can only describe as cabin fever. He wouldn't let me leave the house apart from a few visits to a different meadow.

The second year of university I played the good little mannequin but inside was a different story. The resentment and anger built daily. I loved the sunny days having the freedom just to be me.

It was during the spring months that the puppet started rebelling, just little things to start with but I gleaned so much pleasure from petty things. I accidentally sat on the volume control and it came on full. I put the CD back in the wrong case. I looked at some cd's and put them back in the wrong order. I played chopsticks on the piano. Touching his beloved piano was an offence in it's own right but with bacon grease on my fingers, oh! the horror. The coffee spilt on the silk top. The skirt that accidentally got caught in the door, ripping it beyond repair. A leaky pen accidentally left in a pocket. The grass stains on the designer suit she forced me to wear, the bonus of breaking the heel on the stupid shoes when I fell was just a bonus. Even stubbing my toe so my tears messed up the make-up. Leaving a book in a classroom, making Edward late as he retrieved it for me. The list goes on each as petty as the next.

Edward never allowed me time to spend with the rest of his family without throwing a tantrum. Alice was the only exception. Emmett wormed his way in by acting like a clown and ignoring all the rules and regulations that Edward and Alice deemed necessary for me living in the same house as them. Emmett became the big brother I idolised. His 'pranks' on me became the hair, make-up and clothes defacing variety much to my amusement and their horror. The pranks on Edward involved his music, his school books or his car, giving me anything from a few minutes to a few hours of Edward free time. Emmett got so much grief from them over his actions but that just caused him to ramp up his game.

Alice had entire wardrobes of coats and jackets for me but there was one particular white designer jacket she loved and I hated. Rosalie, the ice queen, made her distaste for me evident. She had been softening for a while. Rosalie came in from the garage one day and apologised for mistaking the jacket for a towel. It was ruined, covered in oil and grease. That was the day the tide turned between her and I. She was still icy but things went in my favour.

By early summer things had spiralled out of control.

Alice and Edward were never apart. Alice spent all her time forcing her visions so she could tell Edward what he needed to do to get me to behave. Carlisle spent most of his time either at work or out with Esme. Esme spent most of her time doing charity work, the rest of the time she spent in the house cooking and cleaning but never a cross word said. Emmett and Rosalie became my allies. Jasper was still an enigma to me.

Edward stood with Alice at his arm lecturing me on how a lady should act and dress. Now I had become very good at tuning him out and not reacting to the garbage he likes to spew. His biggest mistake was not taking into account that I was still human and had very human PMS. So, this day I let spew back at him. I'm proud to say I didn't yell, heated dialogue but no actual yelling. I didn't throw anything, I thought about it but didn't actually follow through!

I ranted about everything from him not acting like a husband, he hasn't touched me since the first night of the honeymoon. Even his chaste kisses have been replaced by a peck on my forehead when he puts me to bed. You better believe I gave him hell about that too. The rest of the complaints revolved around he and Alice acted more like my parents than my actual parents had ever done. I ran Renee's house from a young age and I took over my fair share with Charlie. Yet my husband and so called best friend treated me like a toddler. Yes, I talked about actually being capable of dressing myself and a whole host of other stuff. Their final straw came when I asked if I could expect them to try and wipe my backside since they didn't seem to think I was capable of looking after myself in any capacity.

Charlie had the vein on his temple that reflected his level of anger, Edward just looks even more constipated than normal. Alice managed to head him off with a vision. I'm guessing they didn't like my reaction if he had responded.

He and Alice went to hunt, probably to get visions on their next course of action for me.

Morning dawned with breakfast in bed, a nice healthy muesli, a glass of prune juice and a single red rose on a tray. Yeah cardboard and rat droppings would be more palatable than that muesli, the taste of prune juice makes me shudder in disgust and a stick covered in thorns ready to cut my finger in a house full of vampires. Such a well thought out intelligent apology, not! The verbal apology went as far as he was sorry I got upset. He even gave me some advil to help with 'my problems'. He claims to have gone through medical school twice but still he calls refers to it as 'my problems'.

Alice still left me clothes out, I'm glad she listened so closely. A flouncy flowery summer dress which was barely long enough for me to consider as a tunic.

I walked past the offering, I went into my wardrobe and found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt buried at the back. I dressed for comfort.

Edward stared then opened his mouth. I cut him off, "If you say a word about how I'm dressed we will be having a re-hash of yesterday".

He didn't speak but he stood still straighter, yup that stick up his ass had pushed in even further!

Alice got to Esme. I had a lecture from her about my unsuitable attire. I had no classes that day, so I had no chance at being allowed out of the house, so what did it matter. I did tell her that but in friendlier terms, she disagreed.

I had just over a week of insults trying to get me to wear Alice's choice of clothes, let Alice do my hair and make-up but I stuck to my guns.

Watching the weather report to hear of sunny skies for the next few days plastered a smile on my face. At least until morning, when Edward and Alice both decreed it was too dangerous for me to go to university without a chaperone. The fact I had gone alone in the past was completely disregarded.

The reasoning was made up as they went along, some student asked me out, wouldn't take no for an answer so he attacked me. Jasper strode downstairs wearing jeans and a t-shirt proclaiming them to be lying.

All hell broke loose, well Alice started screaming at Jasper for speaking out of turn and dressing like a hick, claiming he would be starting to sound like one next.

Edward started telling me it wasn't right for me to go without him, Rosalie stepped up to Edward and accused him of being worse than Royce. Emmett gently tapped my arm and lead me out of the house. He gave me the keys for the beast of a car Edward bought for me and sent me on my way.

The only thing that did happen is a project to work with partners. I was paired with a mousey girl by the name of Lynn.

We went for lunch to talk about the project, sad thing is she was the first human I had spent time with in all my time at university. She had a great sense of humour, she just wanted to get the best education she could and head back home. She learnt early that if she dressed down she got less attention so she could concentrate on getting her studies done.

The project was only a short one and we got the work done in those sweet sunny days. The contrast between the days so light and happy and the nights so empty and full of isolation, highlighted the problems in my life.

Looking back I can see why they tried to stop me from meeting Lynn. She was the trigger that opened my eyes. I respected her for her choices, I was embarrassed I had allowed myself to get led so far from who I was. Talking to her made me stop to consider what I wanted and what I didn't.

That weekend they decide to make their next move. I went into my wardrobe to find it empty of my comfortable clothes. Only silk and satin dresses remained, with a few designer suits. I turned and looked at Edward and shook my head. I told him to get out and stay out.

I would have moved out of the room we shared since we married but I need a bed to sleep on. He has his precious music room which was nearly an exact replica of his old room at Forks, just with the addition of a piano.

Arguments ensued. Carlisle put his foot down and agreed it might be better to have a bit of distance so tempers could cool. Esme stood reassuring poor little Edward that he would be happy soon and I would realise what I was missing with his absence.

Rose took me shopping to replace all my wardrobe. Rose, yes, she let me call her Rose by that point. All it took was kicking Edward to the curb to fully befriend Rose!

I loved my new clothes. I had lots of jeans and t-shirts but nice ones. Plenty of smart-casual clothes even some dressy stuff but in my comfort zone.

Rose pointed out she couldn't respect me if I didn't respect myself. She had told me about her human life and her dreams at the time. She talked about the change freezing you. Change as a vampire is possible but not easy. She still struggled to overcome her baggage at her reason for entry into this life.

I spent quite a bit of time, after that talk with Rose, questioning if I still wanted to be a vampire. It was a whole other set of questions when I thought about my future with Edward, if I even had a future with him.

When I considered becoming a vampire I looked at my life at the time.

I emailed both Renee and Charlie. Charlie replied to everything I sent him and sent me stuff now and then. Renee was hit and miss. Friends, Alice claimed to be my best friend but I wasn't sure how much of a friend she ever was to me. Rose was the nearest thing I had to a real friend. She talks to me and listens when I speak. I trust her to be honest with me even if she doesn't think I will like what she has to say.

If I become a vampire the blood lust and the pain of the change were my biggest fears. Charlie, I don't want to lose him. Children aren't something I ever wanted, I wanted the chance to be a child not have one. If I got older and my biological clock kicked in, well I would reconsider then. As for the isolation from humans and moving, that's virtually the life I had with Renee, it's all I know, so I don't see that as a down side.

Eternity with Edward sounds pretty torturous at that moment but I can hope he can find the boy I fell in love with, I think. I'm started to wonder if he was showing his true colours and I had grown up too much to fall in line with his expectations. I felt like a traitor just thinking that.

Did I want eternity without a partner, eternally the third wheel or worse, alone? That was my hardest question.

That summer I spent travelling. I visited Renee and Charlie, they questioned why I was alone but I told them Edward was visiting his distant family and we agreed to split so we could each spend more time with them. I could see in their eyes they knew there was more to it but they allowed me my lie.

Rose invited me to spend a few weeks travelling with them, Emmett bounced in excitement at the idea. I did double check a few times that I wouldn't get in the way or be inflicted to their couple time. I took Rose's word over Emmett's innuendo.

I loved those few weeks. I loved my freedom, the choice of what to wear, where to go, what to do. It made me realise I wouldn't go back to being controlled even if it cost me the rest of the family. I hoped it wouldn't but I had to hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

My last year of school. The autumn months I spent trying to rebuild a relationship with my husband but each and every time the pieces fell further and further apart. Each time he dazzled me I became more and more resentful, once I recovered. He destroyed any remnants of trust.

Ours wasn't the only relationship that was falling apart. Jasper stopped letting Alice dictate his every move. Alice got angry trying to force his hand by claiming he would hurt me or someone else. Jasper proved Alice wrong each day. Each time she lied or withheld the truth their distance grew.

Jasper started spending more time with Emmett and that led to spending time with Rose and I.

I stood up for Jasper when Alice was claiming he would try to attack me, I told her I trusted Jasper without reservation.

I think that was a huge turning point for Jasper and I. He started to spend time with me without running out of the room the second we were left alone. Turns out we have quite a lot in common. We spent many hours just sat in the same room reading or discussing a book. I found those hours the most restful I can remember.

It was after Christmas that I noticed I had stopped trying to work things out with Edward. He had stopped trying with me as well. I thought I knew it was coming but it was a shock to find it truly over. It took me a couple more weeks before I pulled up the courage to end things properly. I went to Carlisle first and asked him his advice on getting a divorce. Carlisle was disappointed but he didn't think there was another way for us. He assumed I would part ways with the rest of the family but I disagreed vehemently with that idea.

It seems Alice had seen my decision and Jasper's so Carlisle got divorce papers for us, a two for one type deal. Edward threw them at me and told me he would never change me, he never intended changing me. I got more angry that he tricked me into marrying him without ever intending to follow through with all his promises. Things between us were broken but he was determined to shatter me with his spiteful barbs.

The divorces were finalised as we graduated. Edward and Alice started their demands that Jasper and I be thrown out, they told us in no uncertain terms we were no longer welcome in the same house as them.

Carlisle put up a token resistance but Alice came up with, "I can see..." and with a stream of visions, Carlisle folded.

Emmett and Rose on the other hand made it clear they were sticking by us. Carlisle fluctuated but Edward was his first companion and he sided with him.

It had been planned we would return to Forks so Charlie could throw us a graduation party. I hoped it would be my goodbye but life moved in a different direction.

Edward wouldn't go claiming it too hard for him, Alice claimed she couldn't see herself there.

Carlisle and Esme agreed to come. More for Esme to say goodbye to her favourite house for another century rather than me but I'll take what I can get!

The trip home was very bitter sweet. I graduated and divorced.

Rose is the one to give me hope and direction. She stormed into the room the day before we left, "I've had enough of all your moping, if the two of you think you are escaping us so easy you have another think coming. I have arranged for Emmett's favourite house to be opened for us and you two are coming with us whether you like it or not".

Jasper and I just sat and watched her glare at us until we nodded at her then she turned around and walked out. We looked at each other a sighed in relief.

I had no idea what to do or where to go after Forks, it weighed on me ever since the divorce. The loss of Rose, Emmett and Jasper would be an impact too great to deal with. I let my emotions free as I came to terms with Rose's ultimatum. The gratitude and love I felt for Rose in that moment bought tears to my eyes. She gave us both a gift that I will never know how to repay. Her name suits her, a whole heap of nasty cruel thorns protect a delicate, beautiful, sweet smelling flower. Her ice bitch persona hides how gentle and caring she is, of those she loves. A true she-bear to match her bear of a husband.

Jasper just whispered, "Me too".

On the journey to Forks I found out that Jasper had cornered Rose, just as I had, to thank her. I had thrown my arms around her and sobbed until she pushed me off and told me to pull myself together, while dabbing my tears I saw her chin shuddered with unshed emotion. Jasper had a similar tale, he exposed his emotions and she told him to get over himself, that's what you do for family. Her emotions were the only tell that she felt just as strongly as we did. Telling her how much we appreciated her, helped her heal just a little more. She may never be able to carry a child but she had chosen a family that loved her unconditionally.


	2. Chapter 2

Charlie was a proud peacock when we arrived, his little girl had graduated. He wasn't surprised when I told him of the divorce but he did worry about how I was dealing with it all.

The entire town was invited to the graduation party, La Push too. There were some that came to see me, some came for Charlie, some came to be seen to be there, some just because it was chance of a social night out. I didn't care, Charlie's smiles were worth every person that walked through that door, whatever their reason.

Charlie's smile grew even further when La Push residents arrived en-mass. Jake's scary stories had the elders and a handful of younger ones scowling at me and the Cullen's. The rest had easy smiles and congratulations for me but they stayed together, close to an exit as far from the Cullen's as the room allowed.

Jake was overjoyed when Charlie told him I had divorced Edward, it hurt that he could be so happy about my heartache. I told him as such, he claimed he didn't mean it that way. He started down the road of trying to get me to 'come home' to him! He got really annoyed when I stuck to the story about having a job to start in California. He just kept glaring at the Cullen's and muttering under his breath.

The little boy I made mud pies with as a child had been a friendly happy soul, when I saw him on the beach he was still that innocent smiling person. The person in front of me now had a hard continence I really didn't care for. I avoided him the rest of the night.

It was late when the most guests finally decided to leave. The only ones to remain were those of us involved in the clear up. The Cullen's and a handful of Charlie's fishing friends. They're the Elders from La Push accompanied by the scowling men and their girlfriends.

We started sweeping the room and collecting up the trash. The doors were thrown open forcibly. A group of people strode into the room. Charlie told them they were too late, the party was over. Growls rumbled round the room. I recognised the red-head in the middle as chaos descended.

Mutant mega sized wolves erupted in place of the scowling men and the Elders started yelling at the girlfriends to get out of there. Charlie kept a clear head as the Cullen's and the freaky fido's attacked the newcomers. Even as limbs became separated leaking clear fluid instead of blood Charlie stayed calm. I wheeled Billy out then went back inside to check Charlie had got out.

Charlie didn't get the memo, he was trying talk the situation down. Devil red eyes, drooling and snarling monsters against wolves taller than horses didn't clue him in that this wasn't one of those times.

I yelled at him, "Charlie, we need to get out of here and leave it to the others".

He turned towards me but before he spoke I was grabbed, "Bella, just who I wanted to see".

Charlie yelled at her and tried to hit her but she just backhanded him like an annoying fly.

My senses couldn't keep up with events as she carried me, surroundings blurred as she ran from the room.

A shuddering halt jostled me nearly out of her arms just as teeth descended, the teeth ripped at my arm rather than my throat. I felt the pull of the blood being taken, the burn spreading from the bite. Her head vanished with a jarring shudder as I fell to the ground. In an automatic response I clamped my hand over the hole to try to stem the blood.

The blood didn't trigger a faint, I think the shock and pain may have had something to do with that.

I lay in shock, unable to move. I heard yelling inside, "I don't care. She is my baby girl. I love her more than anything. I will agree to what ever she needs, what ever she wants. If you try and stop me, if you hurt her or try to prevent her free will, I promise I will make your lives a living nightmare. It's not like you don't have your own secrets. I am going to her now and if that is the only way to save her I will email and phone her for the rest of my life. I won't let her go if there is a chance to keep her. I only just got her back. I don't care if I can never see her again, if I know she is out there, safe, that is enough for me".

Charlie's face appeared in front of mine, "Hey, how are you?"

I choked out a laugh, "Been better, Dad".

He looked at me, "You made a choice?"

I managed a smile, with the pain it may have looked more like a grimace, "It's gone past that Dad".

I saw three other faces close, "I know they will keep me safe. You know the secret. It has to stay secret but at least I get to keep you now. I didn't want it, if it was going to cost me you".

Tears welled and he hugged me avoiding my arm.

He whispered, "I love you Bells, nothing will change that".

Jasper spoke, "We need to take her now. Let the building burn, make sure it consumes everything. The rest of the world will need to believe we lost her in the fire. Carlisle has promised he will stay and help you tie up any loose ends".

Jasper picked me up with such a gentle touch. I called, "I love you Dad," as I was moved.

"So much, Bells, so much," came his choked reply.

Jasper spoke again, "I swear to you Charlie I will ensure her safety. I will keep you updated". They just nodded to each other.

Everything blurred as we moved. When things slowed enough for me I recognised Cullen's house.

The burn was spreading, I could hardly hold back any longer.

Jasper's words came through the sea of pain, "You need more venom or the change will take even longer. I'm so sorry but it's about to get worse, much worse. The three of us are here for you, see you at the other end".

With that I felt a sting in my wrist, cold then the fire roared through. I knew nothing but pain.

I was so naive, I had been told of the worst pain imaginable but it was only three days in my mind. Three days from an outside point of view, when it's you burning, it's an eternity.

I woke and all my expectations were blown out of the water and not in a good way. I had been told of the newborn year, I downplayed that in my mind thinking that I knew what I was getting myself into so it would be easier for me. I used to know when I would be suffering with PMS yet I was still a bitch for a few days. Newborn vampire takes things to a whole different scale.

They took me to a remote cabin in Canada. I was a typical newborn with all my human feelings of worthlessness throw in and amplified by the change. Emmett and Rosalie were fantastic with me but Jasper was my mainstay. He helped keep my emotions from going too extreme. He made me believe, eventually, that I was worth it!

Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Edward all stayed away. Alice claimed she couldn't see herself with us. Poor tortured Edward never wanted this life for me. Carlisle and Esme had to stay to look after Edward. I had once thought of them as the parents I always dreamed of having but they proved to be fair-weather friends at best.

Charlie and Jasper talked most days. I dictated emails to Jasper for Charlie him but my moods were still so capricious I let Jasper word them before he sends them for me.

We had weathered the storm of my first year when Edward decided to pay an unexpected visit. He decided I was his mate and it was time to come and claim me. I had changed into a vampire carrying all the anger, disappointment and contempt for him over the way things had gone between us. I mostly had a lid on the newborn emotions but it only took a small nudge and I was a raging beast. The very sight of Edward was enough to set me off. When he compounded that by opening his mouth and listing his demands of me going back to him and acting like a lady this time. I lost it. I tried, quite successfully I might add, to rip him to shreds. Jasper stopped me before I did permanent damage, but he would have quite a few scars to live with.

Rosalie and Emmett drove Edward back to meet Carlisle. The sentiment 'how could you let her harm our poor little Edward' got thrown around way too much.

Things got so bad that Carlisle bought Eleazar into the dispute as a mediator. In a three way phone conversation Eleazar found out the full history, the details and timing of my change. His only question was how they managed to stop me. In his words, I must be a very calm newborn to be stopped under those circumstances having done so little permanent damage.

Eleazar spoke to Jasper reassuring him he would deal with Carlisle. He offered a visit to help me acclimatise to vampires in a few years when I was ready.

A year and a half after my change Jasper started to get frustrated with me, "You are holding something back. If you don't acknowledge your emotions out you can't learn to deal with them".

I had been holding something back for a long while. It grew on a daily basis. His disappointment in me cut deeper than I can explain.

I respected and trusted Jasper from the start. As I learnt more about him, his background and what he had been through that trust and respect grew. I liked him, I enjoyed spending time with him, again both grew as time went on. Since my change he was there for me, helping, supporting, guiding, even when I flew into a rage and took it out on him. We spent all our time together and it still wasn't enough. I wanted more but I was too scared to ask in case he didn't want the same. I buried my feelings, that is what annoyed him. He knew I was hiding something. He didn't know that it was about him.

Another week passed when Rose decided we needed a kick. And kick she did, "Tell him you are in love with him, or I will".

She proceeded to inform me that she was taking Emmett away for a week or so. If I needed her, for any reason they would be back in a flash.

They left in Emmett's truck, stones flying up and Rose's screams that Emmett would have to repair all the damage to the bodywork!

I went to find Jasper. I found him on his thinking stone.

I call out, "Rose got to you too?"

He spun and looked at me, "Too?"

I nodded, "I'm petrified, if you know the depth of my feelings for you, you'll not feel the same and distance yourself".

"I'm sat here fearing the exact same thing. Damn, we are both stupid", he reached for me, "Please, show me".

I was still scared, I started to let the emotion out but slowly. The small trickle of emotion swelled into a torrent, I held it back so long, I could no longer control it.

Jasper's eyes popped, "The intensity of our emotion is so much, let me show you my feelings for you".

He bathed me in a love so bright, so pure, I gasped at the potency.

Our touches started with a reverence but they grew to an addiction. I needed to touch him more. I needed him to touch me more. Clothes were in the way, so we got rid of them. Each touch strengthened our bond, solidified our feelings. We made love, we fucked like animals and every permutation in between. He let go of his control, his feelings bathed my soul as his skin and mine tried to merge into one. We couldn't get enough of each other yet when I was with him I felt whole. Time had no meaning until his touch was absent then I just waited to reconnect. I was lost to him, just as he was lost to me.

Ten days later Rose and Emmett returned, they stayed about ten minutes. They left telling us they would be back in a decade or so, we might be fit for company by then.

Jasper rang Eleazar rather than Carlisle. Eleazar just laughed telling him we were the only ones that hadn't realised.

Jasper rang Charlie next. Charlie was overjoyed for us.

The phone and email were the only contact we had with the outside world. It was twelve years before Rose and Emmett came back for a visit. They had stayed in contact and checked we were ready for company. Neither of us wanted company but we knew we would have to play nice at some point.

Emmett complained we were worse than them, which he mumbled 'took some doing'.

I had missed the two of them. The four of us work well together.

I learnt to control myself around humans so I could visit Charlie. He clung to me and sobbed when he saw me. He kept going on and on about how nice it was to see me happy. He claimed that I didn't just have a glint in my eyes, I had a huge great grin. His smile reaches his eyes when he talks of his wife Sue. His late best friend's widow is an Elder herself so she knows about the supernatural. It causes some dissent that they associate with cold ones but Charlie defends us.

We went to meet Eleazar and Carmen. There are quite a restrained pair but friendly enough with us. Eleazar told me that I'm a shield. He stood having a conversation with himself as he put together Edward unable to hear me. Alice's visions stopped working around me when I was changed. Holding back my emotions from Jasper.

The rest of the Denali's weren't up for guests. Two were pining for their mates, one had just met her mate.

I learnt later Tanya was pining for Edward, she was not happy he chose a human over her. Learning we had separated gave her new hope but he declined her in a very rude manner. Laurent had disappeared and Irina could find no trace of him. Kate met a nomad by the name of Garrett and they had taken off together. A decade or so of private time seems a necessity for newly mated vampires

The four of us took a few years travelling.

We bumped into Carlisle and company. Edward muttered, mumbled and scowled but said little. We managed to remain civil with them but that is about all I can say for the blessedly short interaction. Jasper came away worried the Edward was hiding something big.

Peter and Charlotte are a blast, I love spending time with them. They have too much wanderlust to stay in one spot for long but great personalities and fun company. All four of us get on with them.

The Irish coven were cold when we arrived but when we learnt that Carlisle had been spreading lies about us we told them our side of the story. Carlisle's view of events made us sound like uncontrollable monsters. Fortunately Maggie's lie detection ability combined with a helping of common sense let them see our side over Carlisle's 'exaggerations'. They told us they would straighten others out the best they could.

As we continued our tour of Europe, Jasper decided to visit the Volturi to pre-empt any potential problems. He had never met them but from all accounts they are spoken of with respect and they are fair, if laws are followed.

Our welcoming committee were heavy handed. We went quietly much to their disappointment.

Aro told us he had interesting telephone conversations with Carlisle and Edward Cullen. He was surprised we were acting so civilised, from the information he had been given we were anything but.

Jasper rolled his eyes, "We have had to deal with others that have been given the same tales about us. We convinced the Irish coven that they didn't have the full story. Maggie was able to confirm the validity of our story. They told us they will put others straight. I believe you can confirm our story with just a touch. We are willing to let you see our side, if you are willing to listen".

Marcus reached to touch Aro, Aro nodded, "Marcus has just confirmed part of their claims are inaccurate. The bonds between you are incontrovertible. You have an intense bond as mates and friends. The four of you all have strong bonds within your coven".

Aro held out his hand. Emmett went first, then Rosalie before Jasper held out his hand.

Aro took a few moments then spoke, "I have heard tales of Major Whitlock. I see many are well founded. You made a good choice when you left her. We eliminated the last of the Southern warlords a couple of decades ago.

As for the current unpleasantness, my old friend Carlisle wasn't honest with us about many details. Young Edward concerns me, he may become a problem.

I hereby clear your names, you came here respectfully and in clear conscience.

Bella, if I may?"

I reached my hand forward. He grinned, it's quite creepy when he does that.

"Silent to me too. Thank you. Your Father remains human but knows of vampires. It is clear he keeps the secret as his own. He will be exempt from our law. The shifters will protect him, even if he scares them more they do him," he glanced at Caius, "The dogs are no threat to us, they help maintain secrecy in their area".

He looked at Rose next and smirked, "My Dear, you are a strong, well respect woman. You are the head of this coven", he nodded at Marcus, "We respect your coven wants to live a peaceful life. I can see you support us and you have proven you will fight to maintain our way of life. I hope conflicts can be avoided but can we agree to support each other, if it is ever needed".

Rose looked shocked, she turned to Emmett and Jasper, then she glanced at me. We all smiled our support. Looking back at Aro she responded, "We will continue to support the Volturi, if we are able. We thank you for allowing us to live the way we choose, within that role".

We ended up staying in Volterra a few months.

The heavy handed guards had their chance at a fight but in the training arena instead, with smiles and hand shakes at the end! They made no apology for treating us as they did when we arrived, we had been deemed a threat. When we were cleared and confirmed as allies, their attitude towards us shifted immediately. It's surprising how much a different light can change your perception. As a threat they are very effective. We got to know them as friends. We learned the jokers from the book worms, the loud braggarts from the analytical science types, not to mention all the other extremes and everything else in between. Regardless vampire or human certain things remain similar. Some remained aloof but we made many new friends.

We travelled the world. We met many Vampires, most were friendly when they believed we travelled in peace and wouldn't touch their food supply!

Carlisle caused us some problems by warning his friends about us. Most were willing to listen to our version of events eventually. The Irish coven kept their word and Maggie's belief in us tipped the balance in our favour. Amun was the only one that remained cool to us. We later found he is like that with everyone!

I was upset when Charlie told me Renee had passed away to cancer. We visited Charlie every few years. He lived into his nineties, old age took him. I knew it was coming but it still hurt. I miss him. A vampire memory is a blessing and a curse, you forget nothing. The loss and the pain of the loss stays as fresh as the moment I heard he was gone but the memories of each and every visit and contact with him remain just as clear as when the memory was made.

With my last tie to mortal world gone I felt adrift. Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I revolved around each other, relied on each other.

I found out the hard way why the Cullen's had endured high school over and over. With infinity stretching out in front of you and nothing to tether you to now, years pass in the blink of an eye. A decade or so just finding pleasure in your mate. A jaunt around the world stopping for years on a whim.

The longer you spend disconnected from the populous the harder it is to reconnect, the harder it is to blend in. The changes seem come fast, not just technology but language and culture. I'd looked at the changes in the twentieth century and marvelled at the changes they had seen. Living the changes makes them easier to deal with. Yes, it is experience talking there.

After my first reintroduction, having to relearn the language and learn all the new quirks and technology we didn't allow it to go so long next time. My Jasper apologised, he had the Cullen's introduce him after his first absence from humanity. Our differences gave us some leeway, our innate vampire characteristics we used to excuse our lack of social ability and our innate vampire learning abilities came into their own. We stuck to college, then the edge of society for work rather than slipping back as full nomads and letting time slide by.

Edward had implied boredom grew over the years but I found that couldn't be further from the truth. I love learning, love reading. There was always more to learn, more to read. I suppose if you stop then you can stagnate.

We're still learning, taking the time to 'stop and smell the roses' as the old saying goes. We have time so we use it to enjoy the simple things. We live on the edge of society. Staying hidden takes more inventiveness as technology changes but having money and resources can still grease the wheels. We worked with the Volturi a few times over the years.

The Volturi gain more respect from us as the years pass. Aro's gift helps them stay current, he reads from the tourists then he teaches the others the changes that have occurred. The global language that emerged over the last century has simplified our lives, if only because change in the language now takes longer.

The hardest lesson is not everyone is suited to immortal life. Most can cope for a century or so but then problems start to emerge. The Volturi spend most of their time cleaning up after them. They tend to go one of two ways, either they isolate themselves or go on a rampage. The isolationists are easy to deal with, if they go to extreme and solidify completely, it's just a case of removing the remains before the humans ask too many questions. Those that go the other way tend to do so without regard for the rest of us. Caius comes into his own then. His public face of a cold, vicious killer stems from learning the hard way when a vampire has gone off the rails, they don't change regardless of the promises they make. Giving them chances just requires more clean up further down the line.

The Cullen's are no longer on this plane of existence. We aren't sure if it was Edward or Alice that tipped the balance out of sanity. They used their gifts and fed each other with greater delusions. It was in a decade that made the nineteen sixties look conservative. Free love and fashions went beyond anything that any of us had seen before, no matter how open minded we were! During that time we had slipped further from humanity to avoid the excesses. Edward and Alice, it seems, took it on themselves to correct the humans. Jasper and I were asked for assistance after the Volturi's first failed intervention. Jasper for his newborn experience and me for my shield. I try to avoid remembering those dark days. The humans reported it as a demonstration that descended into anarchy, the deaths and arson got blamed on demonstrators and looters. Esme wouldn't cope with the loss of another child, Carlisle went with Esme.

We are still here, enjoying each new day. Rose holds us together, she keeps us balanced and true to ourselves. Emmett keeps us laughing, a greater gift I can't imagine. It took me a long time to see what the others see, Jasper and I protect us, not just with the obvious gifts. Rose pointed out to us how even in our human lives we nurtured those around us, took responsibility to ensure their well-being and comfort. The past has shaped us, we remember and learn from it but we don't try to cling to it.

We live, learn and love. We look forward to tomorrow.


End file.
